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Author | Bugu Mom Source |(ID: yugu005)Hello everyone, I am a mother.
See one thing online.A man, scolding his mouth ruthlessly, raised his slap and slapped a teenage girl fiercely.The girl was fanned again and again, and the man seemed to be unpredictable, and stepped forward and greeted the girl.
The girl did not cry throughout the process, nor did it make trouble. It seemed to be a habit.
I know that this is a pair of father and daughter. The daughter was beaten by her father because she was not obedient.
Why is the daughter obedient?Is it early love or classes?
Nothing!The little girl just came out to buy milk tea. She went home late. Dad felt that she had done something wrong and disobedient, so she learned on the street.
After watching it, I took a breath, The maliciousness that my father brought to the child is more than that in the future society.There are more to bring her.
We often hear a sentence, "Filial piety under the stick".It seems that if the child is not beaten, he does not know that good and evil, knowing right or wrong.So,
Many people firmly believe that children are not obedient, just fight for a meal.But, can we really "teach" him to make a child?
1: Playing a child, the role is not great
I have never agreed to educate children by punishment, because this is not much help for us to raise.
First of all, once the child is punished, it cannot stop, because the timeliness of punishment is too short.
For example, the child is not obedient, hit him, and he is really honest and well -behaved.But it didnt take long, even if he was still committed on the same issue.No way, you can only fight.
But as a parent, when we punish our children, we will not be in place in one step to ensure that he will be scared that he will never commit crimes in this life.
So the current temptation is relatively large, or when the child "forgets the pain", he knows that he will still be punished and he will still do it.
Isnt it just a meal, anyway, two or two, and do not owe each other.Get what you want, in exchange for a meal, it seems fairly fair, there is no big loss.
So, we should fight, and the child should be committed. In this way, there is no way to form a cycle.The result may be that you are getting more and more harder, more and more children make mistakes, and even more and more rebellious .
Second, punishment brings a far -reaching impact on children.
When I look at the psychological knowledge related to "learning and education", I find that punishment does not bring childrens ability to learn and good education.On the contrary, it may have a negative impact on children, but it may be a lifetime.
2: The negative impact of punishment
For example, children who are often beaten, compared to children who have few of them, will have the following characteristics in his personality.
● acquisition helplessness
The status is not equal.When we hit a child, he was in a state of weakness, helplessness, and was anxious.
When the child makes a mistake, he knows that when he cant escape a meal, he will give up hope and be surrounded by overwhelming helplessness, forming "acquisition and helplessness"Psychological state.
Just like the little girl mentioned at the beginning of the article, if she encountered difficulties in her future life, do you think she will go home and tell his father, seek help?
Its difficult!
Children who are helpless will only feel that reality is hopeless and there is no way. As soon as he encounters difficulties, he will fall into a state of "helplessness" and give up the hope of resistance.
● Strong offensive
In psychology, there is a famous "BOBO" experiment.
Psychologist Ban Dura invited a group of children and divided them into two groups.A group of children saw an adult and hit the doll "BOBO".And another group of children did not see this scene.
Subsequently, the researchers took the children to the room alone, and a "BOBO" doll was placed in the room.Next, the researchers deliberately provoked their children and wanted to see their reactions.
The results show that children who have seen BOBO behavior have also learned the appearance of adults and showed similar attacks to dolls.
Childrens learning behavior I want to imitate .
When he sees the way the adult solves the problem again and again, he is fighting or scolding. He also learned to express himself in this way.
So, the children who are often beaten will have more aggressive character in his character.Because through imitation, he will internalize his parents behavior into part of his behavior, so as to form a habit of like to hit people.
● Lie
In addition to being helpless and becoming aggressive, children may also have a kind of childThe reaction is to retreat.
I saw a child posting on the Internet. He said that he grew up in his fathers scolding, sensitive, timid, and careful. In order to avoid punishment, he learned to learnlie.
When a child, when he feels that the consequences of punishment, he will choose to lie to escape.
So sometimes, the child is lying, it is really not that he is bad.
but In a severe environment, he learned how to use lies to protect himself .
You may say, what else can you do, what else can you do, can make children consciously change and make appropriate choices?
The following methods may be worth your try.
3: Responsible for the consequences
To a word -bear the consequences.This consequences include natural consequences and logical consequences.
① Natural consequences
Natural consequences refers to what will happen naturally. Our adults do not need to interveneEssence
For example, if you do n’t eat, your child will be hungry; if you do n’t do homework, you will be criticized by the teacher; you will be late, and so on.This is natural consequences, letting children learn lessons from the consequences. In order to avoid such consequences, they choose the right behavior.
Like my nephew likes to rely on the bed, my mother will slap next to it.Essence
The nephew is still lying on the bed, because he knows that my mother will find him clothes, pack schoolbags, and prepare meals, even if you rely on it for a while.
Later, I told him that going to school is your own business. After that, we will remind you once, but you cant get up and rely on you.Own.The family will no longer help you make these preparations. If you are late, you cant complain about others.
In a few panic and hasty experiences, the nephew finally knew what consequences he had to bear.Since then, from the beginning we urged him to become him.
In life, we can also ask ourselves, If we do not intervene, what is the consequences of this incident?Try to let the child bear the consequences. Only after experience can he grow slowly .
However, in some cases, we cannot use natural consequences, such as dangerous (crossing the road, random food, etc.), and for example, children have affected others (beating people, etc.).At this time, we need to get involved quickly.
② Logical consequences
Logic consequences need adultsIntervention, and let the child bear the consequences related to things.It has 4 principles - Related, reasonable, told and respectful in advance.
For example, the child draws random on the wall, punishment is a meal, so that he no longer draws.The logical consequences related to this matter are to clean up the wall.
When the child insists on doing something, for example, if a meal does not want to eat, then we can tell him in advance that there is no snack in the family, and he will not cook for him halfway.Hungry, only wait for the next meal.
Tell in advance, and the attitude of respecting rather than preaching, letting children know the consequences they want to bear in advance .Then, when you execute it firmly, he wont feel that you are punishing him intentionally.
We want to do our parents responsibility too much, and always want to avoid any unfavorable risks for children, so we are always nagging, preaching, punishment, punishment, punishment, punishment,Even after busy, take care of everything for the child.
However, children will not learn lessons and summarize experience from our words.
So, it is better to let the child go through it.Only by taking over the consequences can he learn responsibility and think about what he should do is the most appropriate.
• END •
This article comes from: Mom of Buu (ID: yugu005), focusing on childrens psychology, focusing on childrens psychology,Share the scientific parenting method, understand the childs easy raising, welcome to pay attention to the mother of Buu
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