Education never needs to go to black.
If you always run into the wall, it is reminding you that it should turn.
Text | Ling Xiang
1Then, the orange homework has not been done yet.At the beginning of the holiday, I formulated the holiday plan with him, completed the homework as soon as possible, and had time to memorize words to extend reading.
The results, the reality is very sensible. This guy has a flying over the entire holiday, and it is good to finish the homework before the school.
When I think of this, I will be a little anxious. I think if I can write my homework for a few days, it is also good to read the words back to the back of the book for at least three or four days.
As soon as anxious, the movement was a bit deformed -I took oranges for two days for self -study.I read a book, he wrote his homework.
I thought, I stared at it, he could seize time.
As for the result, this guy wrote his homework while putting his phone next to him, and glanced at the ball from time to time.
What is the way to do the same?
I want to take his mobile phone away.
My anger is overwhelmed and overwhelmed. I simply sat in the distance to read a book.His homework is his business. He is not in a hurry. Why am I so anxious?
After the self -study ends, when I go back, I still feel a little angry, walking straight in front, and the orange followed slowly.
I experienced the anger carefully -the feeling is very complicated, anxious, helpless, and strong, and there is a strong frustration and frustration.
At that moment, I realized what moods who were in the mothers who were anxious to get angry for their children.
I have contacted many mothers in the consultation (because the mother mostly refers to the parents), they do their best for their childrens learning fees, and start various reporting classes from the childhood.Staring at the Internet class, urging the homework, and ordering the questions over and over again, but the children are still not interested, do not take the initiative, do not move, and lazy if they do n’t stare.
When the mothers say this, their expression is similar, tired, anxious, worry, helpless, and also with a hint of resentment and grievances.
You know what is right and how to do it, but the child does not do so.He seemed to dont care about learning at all.
You can pull the child over and even press him at the desk, but others are at Cao Ying, and you dont know where to fly.
You can do everything you can, and the rest can only be looked at it.People are particularly frustrated and frustrated.
Body and mind.
At that moment, I experienced this feeling more or less.
I suddenly understand, this is the feeling of hitting the south wall.
This frustration is to remind you: In learning this matter, your method is wrong, the harder you work harder.
This road is not accessible, hurry up.
2
When you always feel frustrated, anxious, angry, it meansYou are more attentive and anxious than your child. You are doing everything possible to pull, drag, and push him.
You have become the main force, and the child is just cooperating with you.
Your position is upside down.
When you are more attentive than your child, you cant help urging him, supervising him, and various interference, and pay special attention to the results.
Unconsciously, you have gone through the boundary and turning the childs incident into your own business.
At least two results:
First, the childs learning internal driving force has become an external drive.
You have become his driving force for learning.
Many parents said that I stared at him like this.
Indeed, staring at and urging in elementary school, how much is used.
Waiting for the child to go to middle school, you will find that you cant stare at all.What you can do is to report class and find a teacher to counsel, but you cant do it if you dont listen or listen to it.
In the end, you still cant push him.
The second is that when you cross the border, the child will use your strength to confront you.
When a persons autonomy is suppressed, he will instinctively resist.
The younger child is not strong enough, and often uses negative resistance, such as a variety of rubbing, walking, dragging without writing homework, headache stomach pain, drinking frequently on the waterToilet, and so on.
Waiting for the child to go to middle school, the strength is strong, and the resistance will be more direct.
Orange said "you dont care" are expressed very clearly. In this matter, I have my arrangement, dont interfere with me.
And the children, the way of resisting is more intense: you let me learn, I just dont want to learn, how can you take me?
or even worse: I also want to learn, but I cant learn, I am depressed, I can’t go up.Intersection
When the child is a child, parents can still control it and force him to learn.Parents did not feel deeply in that sense of frustration and weakness.
Sometimes it feels that the parents are slowly, and they will continue to be the spirit of the chicken.
Waiting until the adolescence, the childs resistance will be more powerful, and the parents will feel this frustration, weakness, and discouraged feeling.
This means that parents interference is finally frustrated in learning this matter.
Children are expressing his autonomy in this way.Learning has become a victim of this dispute over power.
3
In terms of learning, why are many mothers more heart than children?
It is likely that the mother has too much anxiety, and she has an inexplicable fear in the future. I am worried that I will slip to the bottom layer or various bad consequences.
This kind of anxiety is too strong. The mother cant hold it by herself, and she will put the pressure on the child.
I will follow the childs learning, give him lessons, and do everything possible to let him learn more and learn in advance.In this way, the childs grades look good.
The results are good, and the anxiety of the mother is relieved.
In elementary school, under the control of parents, the childs grade may be good, but no one can afford to be so tight for many years.
After a long time, the child is tired, cant learn, dont want to learn, the grades are declining, and they dont cooperate.
At this time, the mothers anxiety, weakness, and collapse came out, and they are often overwhelmed by frustration.
At this time, dont use brute force anymore.
The more powerful, the more likely it is to be counterproductive, and the last two defeats.
It is best to stop, look at your own state, listen to the prompts given by these emotions: Are you too anxious?Is it crossing the border?
What we need to do is to adjust our mentality, handle their anxiety, return the autonomy to the child, give him room for growth, allow him to have his own ownThe rhythm allowed him to walk around.
This road can get wider and wider.
4
On that day, when I noticed my emotions, I realized that because of anxiety, my movement was deformation.
When I got home, I talked with Orange.
It turned out that he thought that holiday homework was reviewed by the old content, which was of little significance, so it was almost done.He also had a count in his heart. It was okay to complete homework before school, so he was not too anxious.
After chatting, I know what he thinks, and I know more about his heart -no matter how I think so, at least his current thought.
More understanding, the knot in my heart is loose.
I also put a bit about what I can do:
The first is to allow him to try his own rhythm, even if it may be possibleTake some detours.After all, learning is his own business.
The second is to see if he can guide him to improve his cognition -this takes time and opportunity.
One step further, see what you can do, make his goal a stronger -it takes more time and opportunity.
These seem difficult, and may not be fully done.But maybe this is what we can do within our own boundaries.
Since we hit the southern wall, we have to adjust the direction and find a truly suitable road?
So, if the child is still small, you already have this feeling that you cant make it strong, indicating that you are too concerned about your childs learning, leading to the deformation of the movement and the boundary of the crowd.
This feeling is reminding you: turn around in time and make adjustments.
Otherwise, the larger the child, the stronger this feeling.
In the end, maybe they can only be forced to give up their efforts, give up their children, and have no choice but to accept failure.
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Introduction to the author
Level psychological counselor, senior publisher, focusing on childrens psychology, and author of "Psychology that Good Moms understand".
121 The "success" experience of my second childs pregnant daughter
